mankind,saysachinesemanuscrip,whichmyfriendmwasobligingenoughoreadandexpinome,forhefirssevenyhousandagesaeheirmearaw,cwingorbiingifromhelivinganimal,jusasheydoinabyssiniaohisdayhisperiodisnoobscurelyhinedabyheirgreaconfuciusinhesecondchaperofhismundanemuaions,wherehedesignaesakindofgoldenagebyheermchofang,lierallyhecooksholidayhemanuscripgoesonosay,hahearofroasing,orraherbroiling(whichiakeobeheelderbroher)wasaccidenallydiscoveredinhema

erfollowingheswineherd,hoi,havinggoneouinohewoodsonemorning,ashisma

erwas,ocollecmasforhishogs,lefhiscoageinhecareofhiseldessonbobo,agrealubberlyboy,whobeingfondofpyingwihfire,asyounkersofhisagemonlyare,lesomesparksescapeinoabundleofsraw,whichkindlingquickly,spreadheconfgraionovereveryparofheirpoormansion,illiwasreducedoashesogeherwihhecoage(asorryanediluvianmakeshifofabuilding,youmayhinki),whawasofmuchmoreimporance,afinelierofnewfarrowedpigs,nolessha

inei

umber,perishedchinapigshavebeeneseemedaluxuryalloverheeasfromheremoesperiodshawereadofbobowasinheumosconsernaion,asyoumayhink,nosomuchforhesakeofheenemen,whichhisfaherandhecouldeasilybuildupagainwihafewdrybranches,andhebourofanhourorwo,aanyime,asforhelossofhepigswhilehewashinkingwhaheshouldsayohisfaher,andwringinghishandsoverhesmokingremnansofoneofhoseunimelysufferers,anodourassailedhisnosrils,unlikeanyscenwhichhehadbeforeexperiencedwhacouldiproceedfrom?——nofromheburncoage——hehadsmelhasmellbefore——indeedhiswasbynomeanshefirsaccidenofhekindwhichhadoccurredhroughhenegligenceofhisunluckyyoungfirebrandmuchlessdidiresemblehaofanyknownherb,weed,orflowerapremoniorymoiseningahesameimeoverflowedhisherlipheknewnowhaohinkhenexsoopeddownofeelhepig,ifherewereanysignsoflifeiniheburnhisfingers,andocoolhemheappliedheminhisboobyfashionohismouhsomeofhecrumsofhescorchedskinhadeawaywihhisfingers,andforhefirsimeinhislife(inheworldslifeindeed,forbeforehimnomanhadknowni)heased——crackling!againhefelandfumbledahepigididnoburnhimsomuchnow,sillhelickedhisfingersfromasorofhabiheruhalenghbrokeinohisslowundersanding,haiwashepighasmelso,andhepighaasedsodelicious;and,surrenderinghimselfupohenewbornpleasure,hefelloearingupwholehandfulsofhescorchedskinwihhefleshnexi,andwascrammingidownhishroainhisbeaslyfashion,whenhissireeneredamidhesmokingrafers,armedwihreribuorycudgel,andfindinghowaffairssood,beganorainblowsuponheyoungroguesshoulders,ashickashailsones,whichboboheedednoanymorehanifheyhadbeenfliesheicklingpleasure,whichheexperiencedinhislowerregions,hadrenderedhimquiecallousoanyinconvenienceshemighfeelinhoseremoequarershisfahermighyonbuhecouldnobeahimfromhispig,illhehadfairlymadeanendofi,when,beingalilemoresensibleofhissiuaion,somehinglikehefollowingdialogueensued

”yougracelesswhelp,whahaveyougoheredevouring?isinoenoughhayouhaveburnmedownhreehouseswihyourdogsricks,andbehangedoyou,buyoumusbeeaingfire,andiknownowha——whahaveyougohere,isay?”

”ofaher,hepig,hepig,doeandasehowniceheburnpigeas”

heearsofhoiingledwihhorrorhecursedhisson,andhecursedhimselfhaeverheshouldbegeasonhashouldeaburnpig

bobo,whosescenwaswonderfullysharpenedsincemorning,soonrakedouanoherpig,andfairlyrendingiasunder,hrushelesserhalfbymainforceinohefissofhoi,sillshouingou”ea,ea,eaheburnpig,faher,onlyase——olord,”——wihsuchlikebarbarousejacuions,crammingallhewhileasifhewouldchoke

hoirembledeveryjoinwhilehegraspedheabominablehing,waveringwheherheshouldnopuhissonodeahforanu

auralyoungmonser,whenhecracklingscorchinghisfingers,asihaddonehissons,andapplyinghesameremedyohem,heinhisurnasedsomeofisfvour,which,makewhasourmouhshewouldforapreence,provednoalogeherdispleasingohiminconclusion(forhemanuscriphereisalileedious)bohfaherandsonfairlysadownohemess,andneverlefoffillheyhaddespachedallharemainedofhelier

bobowassriclyenjoinednoolehesecreescape,forheneighbourswouldcerainlyhavesonedhemforacoupleofabominablewreches,whocouldhinkofimprovinguponhegoodmeawhichgodhadsenhemneverheless,srangesoriesgoabouiwasobservedhahoiscoagewasburndow

owmorefrequenlyhanevernohingbufiresfromhisimeforwardsomewouldbreakouinbroadday,ohersinhenighimeasofenashesowfarrowed,sosurewashehouseofhoiobeinabze;andhoihimself,whichwashemoreremarkable,inseadofchasisinghisson,seemedogrowmoreindulgenohimhaneveralenghheywerewached,heerriblemyserydiscovered,andfaherandsonsummonedoakeheirriapekin,henaninconsiderableassizeownevidencewasgiven,heobnoxiousfoodiselfproducedincour,andverdicabouobepronounced,whenheforemanofhejurybeggedhasomeofheburnpig,ofwhichheculprissoodaccused,mighbehandedinoheboxhehandledi,andheyallhandledi,andburningheirfingers,asboboandhisfaherhaddonebeforehem,andnaureprompingoeachofhemhesameremedy,againshefaceofallhefacs,andhecleareschargewhichjudgehadevergiven,——ohesurpriseofhewholecour,ownsfolk,srangers,reporers,andallpresen——wihouleavinghebox,oranyma

erofconsulaionwhaever,heybroughinasimulaneousverdicofnoguily

hejudge,whowasashrewdfellow,winkedahemanifesiniquiyofhedecision:and,whenhecourwasdismissed,wenprivily,andboughupallhepigshacouldbehadforloveormoneyinafewdayshislordshipsownhousewasobservedobeonfirehehingookwing,andnowherewasnohingobeseenbufiresineverydirecionfuendpigsgrewenormouslydearalloverhedisricheinsuranceofficesoneandallshuupshoppeoplebuilsligherandslighereveryday,uniliwasfearedhaheveryscienceofarchiecurewouldi

olongimebelosoheworldhushiscusomoffiringhousesconinued,illinprocessofime,saysmymanuscrip,asagearose,likeourlocke,whomadeadiscovery,hahefleshofswine,orindeedofanyoheranimal,mighbecooked(burn,asheycalledi)wihouhenecessiyofconsumingawholehouseodressihenfirsbeganherudeformofagridironroasingbyhesring,orspi,cameinacenuryorwoer,iforgeinwhosedynasybysuchslowdegrees,concludeshemanuscrip,dohemosuseful,andseeminglyhemosobviousars,makeheirwayamongmankind

wihoupcingooimplicifaihinheaccounabovegiven,imusbeagreed,haifaworhypreexforsodangerousanexperimenasseinghousesonfire(especiallyinhesedays)couldbeassignedinfavourofanyculinaryobjec,hapreexandexcusemighbefoundinroaspig

ofallhedelicaciesinhewholemundusedibilis,iwillmainainiobehemosdelicae——princepsobsoniorum

ispeaknoofyourgrownporkers——hingsbeweenpigandpork——hosehobbydehoys——buayoungandendersuckling——underamoonold——guillessasyeofhesy——wihnooriginalspeckofheamorimmundiiae,heherediaryfailingofhefirsparen,yemanifes——hisvoiceasyenobroken,busomehingbeweenachildishreble,andagrumble——hemildforeru

er,orpraeludium,ofagrun

hemusberoasediamnoignoranhaourancesorsaehemseehed,orboiled——buwhaasacrificeofheexerioregumen!

hereisnofvourparable,iwillconend,ohaofhecrisp,awny,wellwached,nooverroased,crackling,asiiswellcalled——heveryeehareinviedoheirshareofhepleasureahisbanqueinoveringhecoy,brileresisance——wihheadhesiveoleaginous——ocallinofa——buanindefinablesweenessgrowingupoi——heenderblossomingoffa——facroppedinhebud——akeninheshoo——inhefirsi

ocence——hecreamandquinessenceofhechildpigsyepurefood——helean,nolean,buakindofanimalma

a——or,raher,faandlean(ifimusbeso)soblendedandru

inginoeachoher,habohogehermakebuoneambrosianresul,ormonsubsance

beholdhim,whileheisdoing——iseemehraherarefreshingwarmh,hanascorchinghea,haheissopassiveohowequablyhewirlehroundhesring!——nowheisjusdooseeheexremesensibiliyofhaenderage,hehahwepouhispreyeyes——radianjellies——shooingsars

seehiminhedish,hissecondcradle,howmeekheliehwouldshouhavehadhisi

ocengrowupohegrossnessandindociliywhichooofenacpanymaurerswinehood?enoonehewouldhaveprovedagluon,asloven,anobsinae,disagreeableanimal——wallowinginallma

eroffilhyconversaion——fromhesesinsheishappilysnachedaway

eresincouldbligh,orsorrowfade,

deahcamewihimelycare

hismemoryisodoriferous——noclowncurseh,whilehissomachhalfrejeceh,herankbacon——nocoalheaverbolehhiminreekingsausages——hehahafairsepulchreinhegraefulsomachofhejudiciousepicure——andforsuchaombmighbeconenodie

heishebesofsaporspineappleisgreasheisindeedalmosooranscenden——adeligh,ifnosinful,yesolikeosi

ing,hareallyaenderconsciencedpersonwoulddowellopause——ooravishingformoralase,shewoundehandexcoriaehhelipshaapproachher——likeloverskisses,shebiehsheisapleasureborderingonpainfromhefiercenessandinsaniyofherrelish——bushesoppehahepae——shemeddlehnowihheappeie——andhecoarseshungermighbarerherconsisenlyforamuonchop

pig——lemespeakhispraise——isnolessprovocaiveofheappeie,hanheissaisfacoryohecriicalnessofhepaehesrongmanmaybaenonhim,andheweaklingrefusehnohismildjuices

unlikeomankindsmixedcharacers,abundleofviruesandvices,inexplicablyinerwised,andnoobeunravelledwihouhazard,heisgoodhroughounoparofhimisbeerorworsehananoherhehelpeh,asfarashislilemeansexend,alroundheisheleasenviousofbanquesheisallneighboursfare

iamoneofhose,whofreelyandungrudginglyimparashareofhegoodhingsofhislifewhichfalloheirlo(fewasmineareinhiskind)oafriendiproesiakeasgreaanineresinmyfriendspleasures,hisrelishes,andpropersaisfacions,asinmineown”presens,”iofensay,”endearabsens”hares,pheasans,parridges,snipes,barndoorchicken(hose”amevilicfowl”),capons,plovers,brawn,barrelsofoysers,idispenseasfreelyasireceivehemiloveoasehem,asiwere,uponheongueofmyfriendbuasopmusbepusomewhereonewouldno,likelear,”giveeveryhing”imakemysanduponpigmehinksiisaningraiudeohegiverofallgoodfvours,oexradomiciliae,orsendouofhehouse,slighingly,(underpreexoffriendship,oriknownowha)ablessingsoparicurlyadaped,predesined,imaysay,omyindividualpae——iarguesaninsensibiliy

irememberaouchofconscienceinhiskindaschoolmygoodoldaun,whoneverparedfrommeaheendofaholidaywihousuffingasweemea,orsomenicehing,inomypocke,haddismissedmeoneeveningwihasmokingplumcake,freshfromheoveninmywayoschool(iwasoverlondonbridge)agreyheadedoldbeggarsaluedme(ihavenodoubahisimeofdayhahewasacounerfei)ihadnopenceoconsolehimwih,andinhevaniyofselfdenial,andheverycoxbryofchariy,schoolboylike,imadehimapresenof——hewholecake!iwalkedonalile,buoyedup,asoneisonsuchoccasions,wihasweesoohingofselfsaisfacion;bubeforeihadgooheendofhebridge,mybeerfeelingsreurned,andibursinoears,hinkinghowungraefulihadbeenomygoodaun,ogoandgivehergoodgifawayoasranger,haihadneverseenbefore,andwhomighbeabadmanforaughiknew;andhenihoughofhepleasuremyaunwouldbeakinginhinkinghai——imyself,andnoanoher——wouldeahernicecake——andwhashouldisayoherheneximeisawher——hownaughyiwasoparwihherpreypresen——andheodourofhaspicycakecamebackuponmyrecollecion,andhepleasureandhecuriosiyihadakeninseeinghermakei,andherjoywhenshesenioheoven,andhowdisappoinedshewouldfeelhaihadneverhadabiofiinmymouhas——andibmedmyimperinenspiriofaimsgiving,andouofpcehypocrisyofgoodness,andabovealliwishedneveroseehefaceagainofhainsidious,goodfornohing,oldgreyimposor

ourancesorswereniceinheirmehodofsacrificingheseendervicimswereadofpigswhipodeahwihsomehingofashock,aswehearofanyoherobsoleecusomheageofdisciplineisgoneby,oriwouldbecuriousoinquire(inaphilosophicallighmerely)whaeffechisprocessmighhaveowardsinenerainganddulcifyingasubsance,naurallysomildanddulceashefleshofyoungpigsilookslikerefiningavioleyeweshouldbecauiouswhilewecondemnheinhumaniy,howwecensurehewisdomofhepraciceimighimparaguso

irememberanhypohesis,argueduponbyheyoungsudens,wheniwasasomers,andmainainedwihmuchlearningandpleasanryonbohsides,”wheher,supposinghahefvourofapigwhoobainedhisdeahbywhipping(perfgelionemexremam)superaddedapleasureuponhepaeofamanmoreinensehananypossiblesufferingwecanconceiveinheanimal,ismanjusifiedinusinghamehodofpuingheanimalodeah?”iforgehedecision

hissauceshouldbeconsidereddecidedly,afewbreadcrums,doneupwihhisliverandbrains,andadashofmildsagebu,banish,dearmrscook,ibeseechyou,hewholeonionribebarbecueyourwholehogsoyourpae,seepheminshalos,suffhemouwihpnaionsofherankandguilygarlic;youca

opoisonhem,ormakehemsrongerhanheyare——buconsider,heisaweakling——aflower