ALLFOOLS'DAY

作者:查尔斯·兰姆

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类型:都市·校园

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更新时间:2019-10-06 20:36

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本章字节:11728字

heplimensofheseasonomyworhymasers,andamerryfirsofaprilousall!


manyhappyreurnsofhisdayoyou——andyou——andyou,sir——nay,neverfrown,man,norpualongfaceuponhemaerdonoweknowoneanoher?whaneedofceremonyamongfriends?wehavealouchofhasame——youundersandme——aspeckofhemoleybeshrewhemanwhoonsuchadayashis,hegeneralfesival,shouldaffecosandaloofiamnoneofhosesneakersiamfreeofhecorporaion,andcarenowhoknowsihehameesmeinheforesoday,shallmeewihnowiseacre,icanellhiransemeha,andakehemeaningofioyourselfforyourpainswha,man,wehavefourquarersofheglobeonourside,aheleaspuaion


fillusacupofhasparklinggooseberry——wewilldrinknowise,mencholy,poliicporonhisday——andleusrollhecachofamiens——ducadme——ducadme——howgoesi?


hereshallhesee


grossfoolsashe


nowwouldigivearifleoknowhisoricallyandauhenically,whowashegreaesfoolhaeverlivediwouldcerainlygivehiminabumpermarry,ofhepresenbreed,ihinkicouldwihoumuchdifficulynameyouhepary


removeyourcapalilefurher,ifyouplease;ihidesmybaubleandnoweachmanbesridehishobby,anddusawayhisbellsowhaunehepleasesiwillgiveyou,formypar,


hecrazyoldchurchclock,


andhebewilderedchimes


goodmaserempedocles,youareweleiislongsinceyouwenasamandergaheringdownaenaworsehansamphirepickingbysomeoddsisamercyyourworshipdidnosingeyourmusachios


ha!cleombrous!andwhasadsinfaihdidyoulighuponaheboomofhemedierranean?youwerefounder,iakei,ofhedisineresedsecofhecalenuriss


gebir,myoldfreemason,andprinceofpserersababel,bringinyourrowel,mosanciengrand!youhavecimoaseaamyrighhand,asparonofhesammerersyoulefyourwork,ifirememberherodouscorrecly,aeighhundredmillionoises,orhereabou,abovehelevelofheseablessus,whaalongbellyoumushavepulled,ocallyouropworkmenoheirnuncheononhelowgroundsofse


aarordidyousendupyourgarlickandonionsbyarocke?iamarogueifiamnoashamedoshowyouourmonumenonfishsreehill,aferyouraliudesyewehinkisomewha


wha,hemagnanimousalexanderinears?——cry,baby,puisfingeriniseye,ishallhaveanoherglobe,roundasanorange,preymoppe!


miseradams——odso,ihonouryourcoa——praydoushefavouroreadoushasermon,whichyoulenomisressslipslop——hewenyandsecondinyourpormaneauhere——onfemaleinconinence——hesame——iwilleinmosirrelevanlyandimperinenlyseasonableoheimeofheday


gomaserraymundlully,youlookwisepraycorrechaerror


duns,spareyourdefiniionsimusfineyouabumper,oraparadoxwewillhavenohingsaidordonesyllogisicallyhisdayremovehoselogicalforms,waier,hanogenlemanbreakheendershinsofhisapprehensionsumblingacrosshem


masersephen,youaree——ha!cokes,isiyou?——aguecheek,mydearknigh,lemepaymydevoiroyou——masershallow,yourworshipspoorservanomand——masersilence,iwillusefewwordswihyou——slender,ishallgohardifiedgenoyouinsomewhere——yousixwillengrossallhepoorwiofhepanyoday——iknowi,iknowi


ha!honesr——,myfineoldlibrarianofludgae,imeouofmind,arhouhereagain?blesshydouble,iisnoovernew,hreadbareashysories——whadoshoufliingabouheworldahisrae?——hycusomersareexinc,defunc,bedrid,haveceasedoreadlongago——hougoessilmonghem,seeingif,peradvenure,houcanshawkavolumeorwo——goodgranvilles——,hysparon,isflown


kingpandion,heisdead,


allhyfriendsarepinlead


neverheless,nobler——,ein,andakeyourseahere,beweenarmadoandquisada:forinruecouresy,ingraviy,infanasicsmilingohyself,incoureoussmilinguponohers,inhegoodlyornaureofwellapparelledspeech,andhemendaionofwisesenences,houarnohinginferiorohoseacplisheddonsofspainhespiriofchivalryforsakemeforever,wheniforgehysinginghesongofmacheah,whichdecreshahemighbehappywiheiher,siuaedbeweenhosewoancienspinsers——wheniforgeheinimiableformallovewhichhoudidsmake,urningnowoheone,andnowoheoher,wihhamalvoliansmile——asifcervanes,nogay,hadwrieniforhishero;andasifhousandsofperiodsmusrevolve,beforeheminorofcouresycouldhavegivenhisinvidiouspreferencebeweenapairofsogoodlyproperiedandmerioriousequaldamsels


odescendfromhesealiudes,andnooproracourfoolsbanquebeyondisappropriaeday,——forifearhesecondofaprilisnomanyhoursdisan——insoberveriyiwillconfessaruhohee,readeriloveafool——asnaurally,asifiwereofkihandkinohimwhenachild,wihchildlikeapprehensions,hadivednobelowhesurfaceofhemaer,ireadhoseparables——noguessingaheirinvolvedwisdom——ihadmoreyearningsowardshasimplearchiec,habuilhishouseuponhesand,hanienerainedforhismorecauiousneighbour;igrudgedahehardcensurepronounceduponhequiesoulhakephisalen;and——prizingheirsimpliciybeyondhemoreproviden,and,omyapprehension,somewhaunfemininewarinessofheirpeiors——ifelakindliness,haalmosamounedoaendre,forhosefivehoughlessvirgins——ihavenevermadeanacquainancesince,hased;orafriendship,haanswered;wihanyhahadnosomeincureofheabsurdinheircharacersiveneraeanhonesobliquiyofundersandinghemoreughableblundersamanshallmiinyourpany,hemoreesshegivehyou,hahewillnoberayoroverreachyouilovehesafey,whichapalpablehallucinaionwarrans;hesecuriy,whichawordouofseasonraifiesandakemywordforhis,reader,andsayafoololdiyou,ifyouplease,hahewhohahnoadramoffollyinhismixure,hahpoundsofmuchworsemaerinhisposiioniisobserved,ha”hefoolisherhefowlorfish,——woodcocks,——doerels,——codsheads,&chefinerhefleshhereof,”andwhaaremonlyheworldsreceivedfools,busuchwhereofheworldisnoworhy?andwhahavebeensomeofhekindliespaernsofourspecies,busomanydarlingsofabsurdiy,minionsofhegoddess,andherwhieboys?——reader,ifyouwresmywordsbeyondheirfairconsrucion,iisyou,andnoi,haareheaprilfool