eileenchang

whenigooffhepneinaipeionmywayohongkong,ididnoexpecoseeanyoneiknewihadaskedhechusnoomeeme,knowingheywerebusyjushenbuiwaspossiblehaheywouldgesomebodyelseoeinheirsead,soiwasnosurprisedwhenanefficienlookingmani

eawesernclohesapproachedme”youaremrsrichardnixon?”hesaidinenglish

ihadseenmanyphoographsofheblondemrsnixonandneverimaginediresembledherbesides,heshouldbeableoelfellowchineseevenbehindherdarkgssesbuwihawomansinabiliyodisbelieveaplimenalogeher,nomaerhowfgranlyunrue,irememberedhashewashin,whichiundoubedlywashenherewashosegsses”no,iamsorry,”isaid,andhewalkedawayosearchamongheoherpassengers

isruckmeasalileoddhamrsnixonshouldeoformosa,evenifeverybodyisvisiingheorienjusnowanyhowheremushavebeensomemixup,asherewasonlyhisoneembassyemployeeogreeher

”didyouknowmrsnixonisingoday?”iaskedmyfriendsmrandmrschu,whohadurnedupaferall

”no,wehavenheard,”mrchusaidioldhemabouhemanwhomisookmeforherandwhaajokehawas”um,”hesaidunsmilinghenhesaidsomewhaembarrassedly,”heresamanwhoisalwayshangingaroundheairporomeeamericandigniarieshesnoquiesane”

iughed,henwenunderformosashugewaveofwisfulyearningforheousideworld,paricurlyamerica,isonlyfriendandhereforeinsomewaysafoe

”howdoesifeelobeback?”mrchuaskedalhoughihadneverbeenherebefore,heyweregoingalongwihheofficiassumpionhaformosaischina,hemohercounryofallchineseilookedaroundhecrowdedairporandireallywaschina,nohesrangeoneilefenyearsagounderhecommunissbuheoneiknewbesandhoughhadvanishedforeverhebuzzofmandarinvoicesalsomadeidifferenfromhongkongafeelingofchronologicalconfusioncameoverme

”ifeelslikedreaming”andakinginallhefamiliarfacesspeakingheonesofhomend,iexcimed,”buisnopossible!”mrchusmiledruefullyasifihadsaid,”buyouareghoss”

mrschuoldmeaswelefheairpor,”hisisanuglyciy,buheminueyougeouofowniisbeauiful”

heylodgedmeinamounaini

igohegeneralssuie,wherehegeneralssaywhenheyeuphilloreporohegeneralissimo,wholivesafewsepsawayacrossheroadhesuiewasreachedhroughaseriesofdeseredlilecouryards,wihisownrockgardenandlouspondinhesilenceherewasjushesoundofheeveningdrizzleonhebananapalmandinhebahroomaapofsulphurwaerconsanlyru

ingouofasonelionmouhandspshingoverherimofhecemenankherewereraanfurniureonheaamiflooringandawardrobeandbedwihsainedsheesioldmyselfnoobefasidiousbuherewerebedbugsfinallyihadogeupneardawnosleeponheledgeofhehonorrecess,whereinjapaneselivingroomshebesvaseandpicurescrolredispyedhemaidwasfrighenedwhensheeinhemorningandcouldnofindme

iwaspinhahegeneralshadfemininepanionshipwhilespendinghenighawaiingaudiencewihhegeneralissimoiwonderedaheeaseofprocuringgirlsalmosnexdoorohachrisianandconfucianfounderofhenewlifemovemensurelyiwasunseemlywih”heavenscounenanceonlyafooaway,”asweusedodescribeanaudiencewihheemperoraferilefaipeiforhecounryside,irealizedhaprosiuionwasmoreopenonhisndhanperhapsanywhereelseinheworldinasmallow

ewspaperfiveorsixadverisemensofhisypeappearedinoneday:”joyandhappinessprosiuesdomicile,1scss124shinmingroadswarmsofpreygirlslikeclouds,offeringhebesservices”

inhecounrysideformosapeelsback,showingoldersraahereweremorenaiveformosanshanrefugeeshemixedemoionsofmyhomeingofsorsgavewayopureourisenhusiasm

fromimeoimemrschu,siingnexomeinhebus,whisperedurgenly,”shandi,shandi!”ijuscaughaglimpseofashandi,ormounaindweller,agraylilewraihwihwhiskersaooedonhercheekscarryingababyonherbackandloieringousideashopalonghehighway”shandi,shandi!”againhebreahlesslilecryandanudgeisawgypsylikechildreninraggedshirsandskirs,carrying

smallerchildren”heyalleoownwhenheresajapanesepicureon,”mrschusaid

”oh,doheyspeakjapanese?”

”verywell”

manyofhebuspassengersalkedjapaneseheywereheearlychineseselers,andasurprisingnumberofheiryoungpeoplesillspokejapanesehebussoppedawhaseemedobehemiddleofnowhereandayoungmangooffheconducorfollowedhimsuddenlyherewasafigh,heworollingoverandoveronhewayside”chigaruyo!chigaruyo!”icouldmakeouheonejapanesewordheyoungmankepshouing:”misake!misake!”hedrivergooffohelpbeahihoughhowunchinesehesepeoplewereinhongkongihadseenasreecarconducorfollowingafreeriderohesreeandgradholdofhisneckie,inpceofhepigailwhichusedobehefirshingreachedforinabrawlbuhawasjusascuffleandexchangeofwordssyearabusconducorwasakenohepolicesaiononhepinofawomanhehadhiwihhisickepuncher,amurderousoolconducorswereforeverralingoremindpeopleobuyickesbuherewereneveranyrealfighslikehis

finallyhedriverandconducorlehemangohegoonhisfeepaninganddusinghimselfheydroveoffhesoodaaenioninhisornkhakishirandsaluedhebusasipassedhedidnolookoldenoughohavebeeninhearmyinjapanesedays,buhareverencewasdisinclyjapaneseoddlyenough,ialsoremindedmeofhecommunischineseliningupallheporers,sweepers,andpeddlersonherailwaypform,eachpreseninghisbroom,pole,andbaskelikearmsasherainpulledouworkershavebeenoldoloveheirmachine,buohavehempayheirrespecsoiinhislileriualseemedsrange

fromformosaiwenonohongkong,whichihadnoseenforsixyearsheciywasbeingorndownandrebuilinohighaparmenbuildingswholesreesweredugup,wihaposboxburiedupoisneck,sillfuncioningherefugeeswereseleddown,hopingonlyoliveouheirlivesinhongkongheyoungergeneraionspeakcanoneseinschoondrefuseospeakanyhingelseahome,agoodexcusenooalkoheirparenshaohereenagersmayenvy

hemoreorlesswellodohomesisawweregeingincreasinglyamericanized,wihamahsbeingooexpensiveandwashingmachinesakingheirpcealonewihhesesmodelrefrigeraorsandhifiphonographsboughonheinsallmenpnchrismashadbeeagreaoccasionforgifsandpariesfornonchrisiansooboysandgirlshandedeachoherchrismascardsinschoolonegirlwroeoawomancolumnis:”iamnieenyearsoldmyfaherandiescapedfromnorhchinaayearago,crossinghecounrywihgreadifficulywemadehessrechomacaoinasmallboawhichwasfiredonbyhecommunissmyfahercoveredmewihhisbodysohegowoundedanddiedinhehospialinmacaoicameohongkong,whereafriendoffahersgomeajobpayingabouhk100amonh[lesshanwenyamericandolrs],jusenoughokeepaliveandrenabunkiamheonlyonewihouchrismasinallhongkongpleaseellmeifishouldgobackhemainnd”

sidebysidewihharrowingescapeslikehis,hereisaloofwhaseemsobeneedlessandfoolhardyrafficofrefugeesgoingbackforvisis”wevegrownpoorfromsendingparcels,”mynddyoldmeoncewihalileughshenevercouldleaveoffexpiningwhyheyhadoakeinalodgersheandherhusbandsebohsesofparensandoherdependensnoodles,poprice,preservedmeasandherbs,sugar,soy,peanuoil,andsoapeachmonhandclohinginseasonofonebrandofbriishmadechickencubes,hermoherinwhadwrienecsaically:”hesecubeshavesolvedallheproblemsofourwomealsaday”hesugarheydissolvedinwaeranddrankasaonicherbroher,inaborcampforharboringafriendaccusedofbeinganaionalisspy,issilbleowrieheraskingforpillsforhisailingkidneyandswollenlegsherbroher,inaborcampforharboringafriendaccusedofbeinganaionalisspy,issilbleowrieheraskingforpillsforhisailingkidneyandswollenlegsheryoungersiserisdocorassignedoworkinhecounry”shehasogoouonsickcallsanigh,whereispichdarkandhegroundisunevenandshesafraidofsnakesyouknowhowyounggirlsare,”shesaid,jusassheapologizedforherdaughersmonopolizinghebahroom:”youknowhowyounggirlsare”

iwashereoseeagreapackinghenddyhadareivegoingback——awomaninhersevenies——whocouldakehingsinforhemhenddyshusbandwresledwihloadsandropesalloverhekichenfloorshebakedacakeandmadesewedpork

”heycanusehepooo,”shesaid

”howisoocarryapoofsewedporkallhewayoshanghai?”

”iwillbefrozen;herainisarefrigeraor”

shegoupadawnoseeheolddyoff,andshehadogoaloohelpcarryheluggagepasheinspecionsahelohuborderhenexdayshecriedouwhenshecameuponme:”haya,misschang!ialmosdidneback”

”buwhahappened?”

”huhyeeya!obeginwih,herewerealogeheroomanyhingsheolddysfaul,oo——shehadsomanyhingsofherownoildrums,craesofsaledfish,wholecaronsofcansclohes,bedding,posandpans,enoughofurnishahousehecusomsmanwaslosinghisemperhenhecameuponsomechangeinherpurse,weny,hirycensofjenmingpiaoshehadwihherwhenshecameousimeandforgoogeridofyourenosupposedoakecommunismoneyin,soallhellbrokeloosewheredidhisefrom?ha?andwhadoyoumeanbyhis?ha?urnedonmenow:whoareyou?ah?”mynddyscreweduphersneyedbabefaceoroarouhe”ahs”and”has””aiya?aisaidiknewnohingabouhis,ijuscameoseeheroff,buallheimeiwasworriedodeah”shefrownedandcluckedwiha

oyanceanddroppedhervoiceoawhisper”hisolddyhaddozensofnylonsockingssewninsideherhickpaddedgown”

”osell?”iasked

”no,jusogiveaspresens;womenwearheminsideheirscks”

”buwhy?whenheycanevenbeseen?”andwihallhehungerweheardwasaround,ihough

”nofulllenghones”henddygesuredowardhercalves”forhewivesofofficialsshelikesobringeverybodysomehingverycapableolddysheimporsmoviesmadeinhongkongwhadoesshewansomuchmoneyfor?ha?sevenyandnochildren?ha?”

irememberedingouenyearsago,walkinghessrechacrosshelohubridgewihisroughwoodfloorclosedinonbohsidesbyguardhousesandfencesagroupofussoodwaiingaferhehongkongpoliceonheohersideofhebarbedwirehadakenourpapersawayobesudiedheyookalongimeoveriiwasmidsummerhehongkongpoliceman,aleanallcanonesewihmonsrousdarkgsses,lookedcoondarroganashepacedaroundinhisuniformandshors,smarlybeledandcreasedbesideussoodhecommunissenry,aroundcheekednorhcounryboyinrumpledbaggyuniformaferanhourinhehosunheyoungsoldiermueredangrily,speakingforhefirsime,”hesepeople!keepyououhereinhisheagosandinheshade”hejerkedhisheadahepachofshadealiledisancebackbunoneofuswouldlookahimwejussmiledslighly,pressingcloseohewirefenceasifafraidobelefousill,foramomenifelhewarmhofracewashovermeforhesime

hafaefulbridgehasofenbeenparedohenaihobridgebeweenherealmsofhelivingandhedeadlikemosclich,iisruewhenyouexperienceiyourselfimakesmeimpaienohearwesernersquibbleabouhefreeworldnobeingreallyfreeoobadhamanyofushaveogobackoverhebridgewhenwecanmakealivingouside

ihaveanaunwhohassayedinshanghaibecauseshecouldnoleavehernewhouseherson,jusouofcollege,joinedhisfaherinhongkongbudidnolikeiherehewenbackin1952,juswheniwasabouoleavehismoherookhimohavehisforuoldoneeveningandiwenalonghewouldfindajobsoon,heforuellersaidbuheremighberoublehemighgooprisonhepredicionsoundedreasonableaheime,wihamovemenonagainsbusinessmenandmanysuicidesandarressheyoungishforuellerlookedlikeashopassisaninhisgabardinegownihadnoconfidenceinhimandresoluelyavoidedhiseyealhoughineededbadlyohavemyownforuold

mycousingoasmalljobinpekingaspredicedlifewashard,hewroehismohergemarried,hismoherwroebackisheonlywayohavesomehappinessbuhewasaquieboy,slowomakeuphismindenyearserwhenisawhisfaherinhongkonghisime,iheardhesonhadwanedogeouagaincheckinghisapplicaionforpermioleave,heauhoriiesseizedonhefachahehadoncejoinedanaionalisgroupincollegehewassenencedohreeyearshousearresinhismohersmodernisicmansion,whichheyookheopporuniyosearch,probinghesofasforamericandolrshehasallfors,evenservansosandinlineforhedailyraionsbuhreeyearswihmoherisevidenlyconsideredenoughpunishmen

iheardaboumymohersfamilyfromonofmyunclesmarrieddaughers,heonlyoneouheoherwosayedinbecauseheirhusbands,adocorandhesonofahighnaionalisofficial,choseosayoneofhesisershaddied

”sodidmybroherswife,”saidmycousininhongkong”andbohmenremarriedbeforeheirwivesboneswerecoldfaherdiedofcanceraferlosingeveryhinginhendreformmoheriswrechedlivingwihbroherhedoesnearnenoughandhisnewwifeisashrewwehuangsarefinished”

lookingback,isawhowmyfamilyandreiveshadallbeenaughbyourancesorsohangonond,heonlycleanandsolidhing,byparisonowhichalloherpossessionsareshowy,immoral,hereforeimpermanennomaerwhafoolsoneschildrenwere,aslongasheydidnospnddeedsonagamblingableheyweresafedespieancesradmoniions,inimeofcourseallheirdescendansriedheirhandsaoherinvesmensforbeerandquickerprofismanysoonfoundheywerenocleverenoughandresignedhemselvesoheyearlyinefromhend?acudownbywars,famines,infions?aandgrewpoorerandpoorerhecommunissmerelyhasenedheend

nooneiknowisinamuneorknowsanybodywhoisinone,wihheexcepionofacanoneseamahwhowenbackosweephegraveshisspringherfamilybelongsohevilgemuneiissillhefarmers,alwaysheworsoff,whoaregeingheworsofihavingheardofhefoodshorage,heamahbroughinabiofcookingoindsaledfishofherownuse

whenshearrivedforawenydayvisi,hemuneallowedherobuyargequaniyofriceandsmallquaniiesofcookingoindporkasaspecialfavorheporkwasdividedamongherfamilyandneighborsbecauseheyhadnoasedmeaallyearsowenhersaledfishhersendayshereshelivedonsnailshaalilegirlgaheredforherfromapond

herewasnomuniydininghalleverybodyqueuedupwihcansogehericeandwhawenwihi,servedhroughwoholesduginheke

elsizedempleofheearhgodwhenheygohomehefoodwascold,ofcourse

everydayafourinhemorningamanbeaagongosummoneverybodyohefieldsbreakfasanineworkaenlunchawelveworkagainaonesupperasixworkagainasevenbunoinhefieldshisime?ausuallyiwascarryingcoalormudquiaenanighsomeimes”leapforward”owelvemidnighnosundaysorholidays,onlyafewdaysoffahenewyearhisdespieheslogan”lehefarmersres”wagesvariedfromadolrsomehingofifyorsixycensjenmingpiaoamonhmedicineshadbeenfreebunowyoubuyyourownherddocorswereavaiblebuherbsarescarce

wechinesehavealwaysbeenaourbeswihinarigidframe,eveninpoerywriingiswhenwearemoshemmedinhaweseemableoriseaboveourselvesaferwenycenuriesofrulebyhefamilywehavebeenfreeforperhapswenyyears,andihasnobeenapleasanimeformanyofus,fullofconflicsandselfdoubsnowhesaehasakenhepceofhebigfamily,inginoeverymomenandaspecoflifewihisfamiliarpersuasivepressurehesheephasreurnedohefoldevenhungercanfeelrigh?aupoapoin

hosewholivenearmacaoswimamileorescapebysampaninbandssomeimesasbigasahundred,fighinghemachinegunsofpursuinmoorboaswihsharpenedbamboopolesbuheywillnosaypuandfighheroublewihuschineseishaweareoosensiblesixyhousandcrashedhendborderohongkongsmayheborderguardswhohadshoasmallernumbersevidenlyheldbackbecausehecrowdswereoobig,hegovernmenhavingalwaysavoidedmassacresifpossibleaferhishemunesweremodifiedbunoabandonedhereisalreadyalknowofheirbeingrevivedinheareaaroundcanon

advancewoseps,rereasasep?amaoseunghassaidhisishiswayofmakingprogresswheherdanceormarch,hepeopledragon,hopingoouliveheirormenors

(1963)

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